lost

So today is July 4 and I had good intentions of working at home today.  I had my work laptop set up and did some work on my budget worksheet.  But then I got distracted by everyone's Facebook posts of the fun things they are doing on this midweek holiday.  So when Darrell got home, I told him let's go see "The Amazing Spiderman," which just came out yesterday.  Ryan was working a double shift so couldn't come with us.  It was amazingly fun (I didn't have high expectations).  We ate junk in the theater for lunch, walked around a very empty Windward Mall, then came home.   Took a nap, lay around, watched TV and read the J.D. Robb book I had downloaded the other day to my iPhone.  We could have gone to watch fireworks but I wasn't up to the crowds and heat.  I had hopes that maybe Ryan could join us for dinner but he was meeting a friend after work.  Darrell finally said tonight that I have to face that it's just him and me, that we can't count on Ryan being around anymore because he's doing his own thing.  I'm sitting in his room now using his desk since his room has AC and my desk in the room I use as an office doesn't.  Ryan calls when he needs something and we talk or text but I really miss him.  At least if he had gone to the mainland for school he would be home during breaks.  This way, with him living on his own, he's gone all the time.  I just feel lost because for the last 19+ years, my life revolved around him.

A former band mom with an older son said the first year away is hard but then you get used to it and find other things to fill your life.  How sad is that?

In honor of Independence Day, here's a photo from the Bicentennial (yes, I am THAT old and I needed a calculator to figure out that this was taken 36 years ago).  Debbie, Sharilyn and me in ninth grade wearing our colonial outfits.  We took Spirit Week very seriously!