namida

I really don't cry much.  I usually have to be really frustrated and/or angry for a prolonged period in order to cry.  Maybe I'll be touched by a TV show or movie or sentimental commercial, but it's not usually enough to bring me to tears.

Weird, because I don't think I'm a cold, unemotional person.

But I've noticed that I cry more easily lately.

One of the latest times was when I opened my Christmas gift from my Dad.  He had gone to the trouble of buying us all calendars from the pop-up calendar store at the mall.  He got me a Hello Kitty one because he knows I like her, and he got Darrell a daily one with cars because he knows he's interested in cars, Ryan got a cooking one, Jan got one with healthy recipes, Craig got one about golf.

But what made me cry was him signing the card "Mom & Dad."

I don't know why, but I just started crying when I read that.

Then on New Year's Day, I got up early to watch the Tournament of Roses Parade because the Hawaii All-State Band was marching.  350+ kids from all the different high schools in Hawaii, public and private, were marching.  They were so impressive, looking and sounding so great.  I even taped them with my phone from the TV and posted it on Facebook, I was so proud of them!  And I don't even know any of the kids.  I was explaining to Darrell about them marching and just started blubbering.  So crazy!  I guess I was also remembering our time at the parade and how "chicken-skin" it was seeing the band's banners coming up over the hill.

Maybe I'm getting old.

Maybe it's PTSD from this crazy year we went through.

Maybe it's holding everything in…eventually it has to come out.